How long does it take to recover from grief? You’ll most definitely find all the answers you need in this article.
Recovering from grief is a stage or a process that does not have a specific timeline.
Getting to know and understand these stages and processes can go a long way in your recovery and might enable you to estimate how long your grieving process might take.
Definition of Grief
Grief, I would say is a reaction or response to a loss.
It could be a loss of someone or a pet (animal) that is dear to you or that you are affectionate about. And it’s normal.
Grief is not just the pain or sadness you feel during the period of the loss or death of a loved one till the burial; but it extends to afterward, that is, the period of coping with your loss.
Also See: 9 Ways To Be Hopeful About The Future.
Causes
Below are some reasons why people grieve.
- The common/ main cause of grief is the death of a loved one or pet
- An ended relationship or divorce
- A new health condition in you or a loved one; like if you or a loved one is diagnosed with a major disease or illness
- Loss of a job or a serious financial loss
- Change of environment like moving into a new place or during retirement.
Signs and Symptoms of grief
Below are signs you will see in someone that is grieving.
You may either see all or some of the listed signs and symptoms.
- Sad looks
- Restlessness and anxiety
- Loss of appetite
- Loses weight
- Feels depressed (depression)
- Lack of sleep or trouble sleeping
- Tiredness or weakness
- Trouble thinking or concentrating
- Socially withdrawing or feeling all alone and distant from others
- Feels guilty of the loss
- Expresses anger or envy when seeing others with their loved ones
- Dreams of the deceased or even hallucinations or visions in which they briefly see or hear the deceased
- Searches for reasons or causes of the loss or death (sometimes gets results that do not make any sense to others).
- Dwells on mistakes or regrets that they made with the deceased.
How long grieving process last
Seeing that different people grieve for different reasons and in different ways, then, the period to which the grieving last will be different too.
Also, some factors can determine how long a grieving process lasts.
Two (2) of these factors are;
- Your relationship with the deceased person
- The circumstances surrounding their death
The relationship you have with the deceased person can determine how long your grieving process would last in the sense that;
if the deceased person is close or dear to you or is involved in your day-to-day life activities, your grieving process might take a longer time.
On the other hand, if you are not so attached to the deceased person but you know them, then, the grieving process takes a shorter time to be over.
The circumstances surrounding their death also play a role in how the grieving process would go.
Circumstances like a long illness before the death rather than sudden death; this experience sometimes makes the friends, family, and also the deceased start grieving before the death (like they were expecting it).
This is known as anticipatory grief. This gives the patient and loved ones the opportunity to settle any unfinished business (sometimes say their wills and last wishes) and also say their goodbyes before the actual death.
Though this circumstance might look or sound preferable to you because you feel you are prepared for the loss, it might not reduce the hurt you feel when the person dies.
Stages of grief
First stage – Denial
This is the first stage as it normally begins immediately or shortly after the loss.
It is the act of refusing to accept the current situation or outcome.
This is common and it’s a means your brain provides to help reduces the intensity of the situation towards you.
For example, I was alone with my dad when he had a stroke and could not talk all of a sudden, out of Fear and shock all I kept saying while touching and shaking him was no no no no no…
That’s the denial, not wanting to accept or believe it. It can last for some hours to days or weeks.
Second stage – Anger
This stage can last for weeks and it involves loneliness, uncertainty, or anger.
Just as denial is also considered a defense mechanism, anger is coverage that hides most of the emotions, feeling, and hurt that you carry.
The anger might be towards to person you lost, your old employer (for job loss), or your ex. for example for breakups or divorces, you’ll hear people say “I hate her, she’ll regret doing this to me”… That’s the anger stage.
Third stage – Bargaining
This stage lasts for a shorter time than others. Bargaining is like a protection from the emotions of grief and helps you shift the sadness, hurt, and confusion for a while.
You might find yourself creating a lot of “what if” and “only if” statements. For example “ if only I had gone by myself, she wouldn’t be gone”.
Forth stage – Depression
This stage describes a grieving person who feels uneasy and helpless.
They may isolate themselves from others, become aggressive, or be extremely sad.
This stage can be difficult and if you feel stuck or can’t get past it, it’s advisable to talk to an expert.
Also Read: 9 Ways To Find Hope When Depressed.
Fifth stage – Acceptance
This stage does not mean you are now happy, it just means you have accepted it.
You might feel a bit different during this stage but just see it as there will be better days ahead.
Conclusion
You must know that people go through these grief stages differently at different times.
Some people may go through the stages according to the process researchers have described as listed; while, others might move back and forth between stages.
Also, some people get stuck in one stage, finding it difficult to move past it.
